Remember, you’re not as ugly as you think. You’re uglier. But don’t worry, it can still get worse.
"I’m an optimist", he said, smiling.
I pushed him from the 52nd floor balcony of that magnificent New York hotel.
I think I cured him.
…and then the line broke, and I’m still falling.
Die hard. Really. If they die at all…
You know what you are if you go to a lot of bars? A person who goes to a lot of bars.
Do you know what you are if you go to a lot of bars and don’t shut up about it? A douchebag.
I made myself into an internet meme. I think this about justifies my existence.
"Wow, your parents looked really great. What happened?"
Altercations are like wet horses: the plutonium remains indelible.
The longer I live, the more I realize stereotypes and prejudices exist for very specific reasons.